I was at a networking event last week when I overheard a conversation that made me cringe. A brilliant business owner, someone I know runs a thriving business was describing her work to a potential client. “Oh, I just do a bit of marketing advice,” she said, practically apologising for taking up space in the room.
If you’ve ever found yourself doing the same thing, brushing off compliments with “anyone could have done it” or introducing yourself with “I only run a small…” you’re in good company. We women have turned self-deprecation into an art form.
There’s always a reason, isn’t there? We don’t want to come across as boastful. We’ve been taught that confidence in women looks “pushy” or “aggressive.” We glance around the room and assume everyone else is more qualified, more experienced, more deserving of being there.
I see it constantly in my work. Women who’ve built successful businesses from scratch will describe themselves as “just starting out.” Experts with decades of experience will preface every piece of advice with “I might be wrong, but…” It’s as if we’ve collectively decided that taking up space requires an apology.
Here’s the thing nobody talks about: when you downplay your skills, you’re not just being modest, you’re actively damaging your business.
Think about it. If you can’t speak confidently about what you do, why should anyone else believe in it? That potential client who heard my networking friend describe her work as “just a bit of marketing advice” walked away thinking exactly that. Meanwhile, the man next to her who runs a similar business but described himself as a “strategic marketing partner” got her business card.
Your inability to own your expertise doesn’t just cost you opportunities it costs you money. And frankly, in a world where we’re still fighting for equal pay and equal representation, we can’t afford to be our own worst enemies.
Next time someone asks what you do, resist the urge to minimise it. Instead of “I help with social media,” try “I develop digital marketing strategies that help businesses grow their online presence.” Same work, completely different energy.
Pay attention to your language, especially those confidence-killing phrases we all use. “It’s only a small business” becomes “I run a business.” “I just freelance” becomes “I’m a consultant.” Small shifts, massive difference in how people perceive you.
Every time you downplay your achievements, you’re not just affecting yourself. Your daughters, your female colleagues, your clients, they’re all watching and learning that this is how successful women behave. When you own your expertise, you give them permission to do the same.
Confidence isn’t about becoming a different person. You don’t need to transform into someone who dominates every conversation or name-drops achievements at dinner parties. Real confidence is simply telling the truth about what you’ve accomplished without feeling the need to shrink it. It’s allowing your work to speak for itself instead of talking over it with apologies and disclaimers.
This week, I want you to try something. The next time someone asks what you do, give them a straight answer. No softening, no apologising, no “just” or “only.” State your expertise clearly, then stop talking. Let them absorb it.
Yes, it will feel uncomfortable at first. You might worry you sound arrogant. But here’s what will actually happen: people will take you more seriously, value your opinion more highly, and be willing to pay properly for your expertise.
Your skills didn’t develop by accident. You’ve worked hard, learned from mistakes, and earned your expertise. It’s time to stop acting like it was all a happy coincidence.
The world needs what you have to offer. But first, you need to believe that yourself.
Give it a go, and let me know how you get on.
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